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Why You Will Never Have a Fast Computer

By Mike Phillips on 1/12/2009 @ 12:15 PM
4984 Views | 4 Ratings |

Why is that no matter how new your computer system, it never seems fast enough to keep up with you, even on ordinary tasks? It seems a mystery, right up there with just what exactly is in the Colonel’s secret recipe! Let’s take a look at the real, and humorous, reasons why you will never enjoy a fast computer. Ever.

Slower Number 1: Your Computer Has a Virus

First of all, let’s get rid of actual computer culprits known to slow down a computer. Some viruses (viri?) are known to slow a computer to a crawl, even as they wreak havoc on a system. If you suspect a virus, or other nasty unwanted beasty, it’s best to run complete virus scans such as Nod32 as recommended by KFI Techguy Leo Laporte, or avast! antivirus, as recommended by, ahem, ME!

(But Backup Your Computer First...)

It’s extremely important to back up all of your important data if you notice a sudden slowdown in your system, as this could be your only warning of impending data loss or worse, even damage to your hard drive (yes, some viruses can even cause real damage to the hard drive).

I recommend Acronis True Image Home 2009, because you can backup the entire hard drive, including the operating system. That's important; many backup systems only backup your data and not your operating system and programs! That means you have to reload your entire operating system, and all your programs and drivers and, oh my!--this can take days out of your schedule!

Acronis True Image Home 2009 backs up everything and you can restore an entire computer from scratch in 40 minutes! And, I don't get any kickbacks from them; I use this software! It's saved my behind many times!

Once you have backed up your computer, run your complete antivirus scan to catch or rule out a virus as the cause of a slow system.

Slower Number 2: You have a software incompatibility

Software runs your computer, and if there is a conflict between different programs running on your system, this can cause system slowdowns, lockups, or even render the system inoperable. It goes like this: you and a couple of friends decide to go to the movies. When you get together, one friend starts arguing with the other about what movie you are going to go see. Back and forth. Forth, and back. No progress. Time passes, and suddenly you miss the window of time to see any of the shows! Sound familiar?

Computer programs are exactly like this, too. If they are incompatible with one another, like your “friends,” they can spend all the time arguing and not doing what they are supposed to do!

Likely causes for this are installing new hardware or software—like bringing along a new friend your other friends don’t know! If you have installed something new recently and have run a complete antivirus scan, this is the number one likely culprit.

How do you fix it? Well, that’s the harder part! Worst case, by uninstalling or rolling back the hardware or software (think, dumping the new friend!); best case, by downloading a patch to the software driver or application (smoothing over relations between the offending parties). You will have to do some digging and googling on this; I would suggest starting with the manufacturer of the hardware/software in question, checking their help system, knowledge base, and forums for possible solutions and workarounds.

Read on to Page 2 to discover the final, and most insidious, reason you will never have a fast computer (hint: it ain't because management is stingy! Wait, I take that back, that could be a factor!)

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Comments

By Gina @ Monday, January 12, 2009 8:50 PM

This was such an engaging article, I found myself nodding through the whole thing. I have lost count how many times at my job, somebody has asked me to look up something or to print something and then my computer judt seems to drag when I need it the most. Thank you for bringing articles like this to out attention. Keep it coming.

By Joylynford @ Tuesday, January 13, 2009 3:44 AM

buddy though i compliment you for the way u have written your article but i seem to disagree with the title itself. there is a lot of resarch put in this filed to come up with the fastest computer.

By Mike Phillips @ Tuesday, January 13, 2009 12:52 PM

Hello Joylynford, thanks for your insights. I do agree there is a lot of research in making computers faster. I showed some of that research in the article with the discussion of Moore's Law. However, the fact remains, we ask more of our computers than they can handle - which is why barring any viruses or incompatibilities, they slow down. This is a not an exaggeration by any means, and validates the title of the article - haven't you had the experience of owning a fast computer that got slower and slower over time? Marketing always tries to hype us into believing the next computer will be the end all, be all, fastest, yet ultimately that new fast blazing beast will slow down too, for the same reasons I mentioned. And, thanks for the compliment!

By Carla @ Friday, January 16, 2009 9:45 PM

Insightful article, written in humorous easy-on-the-brain style.

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